Most immigrants, who arrived in the U.S., left behind villages and generations of extended family. However, neither of these arguments addresses the core issue that is causing in-laws to interfere in today’s nuclear families. Discussions about problems with in-laws and family interference in our community are met with two common arguments: that “children” need to remember to obey their parents and that parents just need to stop “meddling” and allow the new couple space to grow and nurture the relationship. The collectivist cultures many immigrant families come from have begun to clash with the individualist society we live in and many families are not able to find peaceful co-existence in their newly formed families. However, if boundaries are not clearly defined, it can overwhelm a couple and erode their marital bond. Parents and extended family are vital in that they provide the new couple with stability and support. In order for couples to maintain healthy relationships with their parents, while simultaneously nurturing their own marriage, there needs to be communication and a clear understanding of the changing relationships. The parent-child relationship, like the husband-wife relationship, is a special bond that encounters challenges when the child moves into a marital relationship, causing everyone to learn how to navigate their new roles. In a recent study by Sound Vision, it was found that ten percent of divorces were a result of family interference. Ask a Muslim couple to give you a challenge in their relationship and many will say “family interference.” The stress that family and in-law interference brings to a marriage can be so overwhelming that for some couples it can lead to divorce.
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December 2022
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